Big Day Ahead

Tomorrow will be my first proper, hour long session. I'm feeling pretty good, but I'm not sure how long that's going to last if I have to talk about stuff I thought I'd lain to rest. Only time will tell. The first session didn't go too badly although there's a lot of stuff that's going to come up that I'd forgotten or didn't want to keep remembering, and I am terrified of going back to how I was.

The reason I'm going is because Aidan's seen me during a panic attack. I'm scared of it happening again and I really can't let something that happened years ago rule my life, even though it's so difficult to control. I'm getting a lot better though, on my tumblr there's a lot of stuff about how low I was:

I had a dream where I shot myself in the right temple. The pain was over quickly, less than a second. Nobody minded. I slept well. Woke up after a dream about a demon. On the same night, my wee sister had a dream where I hanged myself. She cried when she woke up. I hugged her.

 It's good to see that I'm better than that. I don't ever want to get that low again. Not now I have someone to live for.